The Concept of Acting ‘As If’ by Mark Schuettinger

The concept of “Acting as if” originated in the early days of Alcoholic Anonymous. You can find it mentioned in the Big Book of AA. Unfortunately, over a span of many years this concept has been watered down or bastardized to the cynical version of ”fake it till you make it” or simply forgotten in most substance abuse programs of today.

In the field of Substance Abuse, and in particular Therapeutic Communities, the concept of ”Acting as if” is an invaluable teaching tool for the practitioner and indispensable for the person in recovery. Utilized to its full potential, this concept is a vehicle to help promote change and personal transformation. It is one of the first basic concepts in recovery that allows a person to participate in their own process of change in a very simple and conscious way.

An old saying that comes out of the history and culture of therapeutic communities that fits with this concept is this: ”You can’t feel your way into a new way of acting, but you can act as if your way into a new way of feeling”.

 For the newly arrived addict in treatment, or the addict in their first year of recovery, ”feelings” dominate their daily consciousness. After months or years of numbing themselves and through active denial, the newcomer soon becomes submerged in his or her own emotions. These emotions are mostly self-defeating. These emotions, coupled with years of conditioned behaviors add to the dilemma of the alienated newcomer. The introduction of the concept “Acting as if” to the newcomer is the first in a series of steps to a better self-image and solid ground for preparation for relapse prevention.

When this concept is first introduced to the addict in recovery you usually hear the common refrain of “so you want me to be phony” or “Oh, you mean fake it till I make it”. These common statements couldn’t be further from the basis of “Acting as if”. “Acting as if” is about a person consciously changing their behavior and the way they think about themselves. It is a concept done in the spirit of truthful conscious intent to allow change to take place.

All drug addicts and alcoholics have acted in many roles to manipulate anyone around them to obtain their drugs or alcohol and maintain their addicted lifestyles. When the newcomer hears the word “act” they immediately associate it with being phony and lying, which has been the foundation of their life through the course of their addiction. The bastardized version of acting as if, the “fake it till you make it” version which is so common in most methodologies implies doing something that is phony. Drug programs and institutions are full of newcomers “faking it till you make it” which involves the person trying to convince others around them that he or she is really changing, when in reality they have a whole hidden agenda that is kept quiet. “Acting your way into a new way of feeling and behaving” involves a person changing a part of their character or behavior that they can no longer tolerate. The person practicing this concept doesn’t care what others are thinking but is only focused at changing the behavior at hand. The concept “Acting your way into a new way of feeling and behaving” fits well with the Fourth step of NA and AA, with the feedback newcomers receive in their encounter groups and in developing initial treatment plans through the guidance of their Counselor. Why?

The first step in engaging the concept of acting as if involves the newcomer in identifying a behavior that they want to change. This can come about quite naturally by doing the Fourth Step work, receiving feedback peers in encounter groups, guidance from a counselor, of by the newcomer taking a long honest look at their own behaviors and finding one that they want to begin to change. Here is an example:

Homer had been using drugs for 10 years. His whole life had revolved around him and the using and getting of drugs. Now that Homer is in residential treatment and has been drug and alcohol free for 30 days, he notices that though clean, he still thinks only of himself and what he wants. This becomes apparent to him after receiving a letter from home reminding him of his child’s birthday that had just passed. He realizes with great shame that he has become so selfish, so self-involved, that he doesn’t even know the exact dates of his own children’s birthdays, or even his mothers or father’s birthdays. He is always happy when everyone remembers his and gives him a card or present, yet he had blown off his children’s and family birthday’s for years. Homer is embarrassed by his realization and wants to become an unselfish person. He talks about this realization to his peer group in their weekly encounter. Once Homer has had this realization he is ready to practice the concept of “Acting as if"your way into a new way of feeling and behaving.” In order to do this Homer must start by doing some very simple things. First he must outline on a piece of paper the behaviors that promote unselfishness. He must ask himself “what are the characteristics of an unselfish person?” He can ask his peers for their thoughts on how an unselfish person acts and what are their characteristics. He can ask the counselors how they think an unselfish person acts. Homer may have role models in his life that stand out to him in this regard. We all know unselfish people, both big and small. Homer will soon have a lot of things in his outline. Some may be pretty global, for instance the statement “Unselfish people are generous with their time” Homer will have to break that down and relate it to specific situations that relate to his life. Homer does not have to write down things like “An unselfish person would go to the United Nations and speak up on problems of world hunger”. That is really good but that is not Homer. It is something that he couldn’t be accountable for. Homer has to come up with things he can do in his immediate life every day, not things that would be unselfish for the President of Russia or something. Mother Theresa was a very unselfish person who catered to the world’s poor. Homer is not Mother Theresa and cannot choose to take care of the world’s poor in his quest to become unselfish. However, Homer can begin in his own immediate environment and outline simple tangible acts of unselfishness. There must be behaviors and characteristics that he can practice daily that are realistic and within his reach.

Example: Unselfish Behaviors- Homer

•Instead of always being the first one in line at meal times, I will let others go first.

•Instead of always arguing or manipulating everyone over what I want to watch on TV, I will let the new person pick the show.

•I will make it a point to memorize everyone in my family birthdays and to always acknowledge those special times with a call, letter, or gift.

•I will volunteer my time to help with the dishes and other chores.

•If I see someone who is alone and upset, I will take the time to talk to them instead of pretending I didn’t notice.

•Instead of always just hanging out with my friends during free time, I will introduce some of the newer people to them and include them is our activities.

• Even though I love a nice long shower, I will limit myself to shorter showers so that my other roommates can enjoy the hot water also.

Once Homer had outlined some simple gestures, characteristics, and behaviors of unselfishness he does something very simple. He begins "acting as if" he is that kind of unselfish person. He does it for several weeks or months. If Homer diligently practices these behaviors for a consistent length of time, one of the truly amazing things about this simple concept comes to fruition. Homer looks up one day and discovers that he is no longer such a selfish person, that he has become like the people he has so admired. Through “practicing the form to achieve the essence” he has become an unselfish person!

Now a key to this working for anyone is that it takes time and seems uncomfortable at first. If a person wants to lose weight they don’t just skip three meals for a day and say “see, I knew this diet stuff doesn’t work, I didn’t lose any weight and I don’t look any better, I think I will go get a pizza!”; it takes time. In the current school of thought these days’ psychologist's say it takes a minimum of 3 weeks to develop a new habit of any kind. Done with intent and consistently “Practicing the Form to achieve the Essence”, Homer will have incorporated the essence of unselfishness into his character and behavior. What seemed awkward and uncomfortable in the beginning will become second nature and comfortable. The essence of unselfishness is not easy to attain, but through practicing the forms of unselfishness, Homer can "act as if his way "into becoming that kind of person.

This concept can work with almost any quality. Let’s take another quality and explore it utilizing the "acting as if" concept. Even the mere mention of the word RESPONSIBILITY can strike terror and panic in the drug addict or alcoholic. At the first sound of just the word “responsibility” the addict flees in the opposite direction. Responsibility! Commitment! And it’s like “Oh no, not me” and the addict runs away from it, but at the same time, everybody who is running from it admires people who have that quality of being responsible. Addicts and alcoholics enjoy being irresponsible, but they want other people to be responsible. They don’t want everyone to be as irresponsible as they are. What would happen if everybody was as irresponsible as the addict or alcoholic? There wouldn’t be any banks. There wouldn’t be any stores. There wouldn’t be any hospitals. The roads wouldn’t get paved. There wouldn’t be anything. It would be very, very difficult living in that kind of world.

So people who are irresponsible don’t mind responsibility as long as they don’t have to do it, somebody else can do it. But everybody knows what responsibility is. Everybody has at least a general sense of it. The characteristic of “responsibility” can be generalized to a very broad scale and varying degrees. It also has a connection to our moral fiber and maturity level.

There is the broad kind of responsibility such as being responsible for the planet on which we live or responsibility a parent has for their young children. There is the kind of responsibility we take into our own hands every time we get behind the wheel of a car to drive. There is the responsibility the Teacher has to insure learning in the classroom and the responsibility the student has to do their homework. In the drug addict world there are numerous types of issues surrounding this quality. Who is responsible when the person dies from an overdose in your bathroom with the dope you supplied them with? Who is responsible for getting someone addicted to drugs when the first drug they ever scored was from you? Who is responsible for the three children in foster care? Is the mother responsible or the father, or both? The list goes on and on.

Every addict or alcoholic loves the initial feeling of freedom that first high brings them. Though an illusion created synthetically, it feels great. The feeling of “Hey, man I’m free! Seems like a nice feeling. It feels good.” This soon turns into “Hey, I can do whatever I want, and I want to get high.” The door is now open to irresponsibility on a wide scale. You’ve probably heard this a thousand times in working with people. “Hey, I’m me man. It’s my life, not your life, stay out of my life! What I do doesn’t affect anybody, so just leave me alone.

And as the addict looks up and around a few years later, (usually after starting recovery of some kind) all he or she sees is this path of lost children, dead friends and broken promises, all heaped into a big pile of wreckage. It starts to gnaw them in half. Suddenly that illusion of freedom through irresponsibility doesn’t look so great or feel so good. All that “my actions don’t affect anybody” doesn’t ring true anymore. The addict looks at people, the ones they call “normies” or “squares” or “lame” who have exercised responsibility and sees that those people are happy. They feel pretty good about themselves. When the addict arrives at this spot, they are ready to begin the practice of acting as if their way into a new way of feeling and behaving. For example:

Lulu has been irresponsible for most of, if not all her life. Since starting to use drugs at the young age of 14, Lulu finds herself cleaning up for the first time at age 30. The mother of three children, Lulu has never held a job and her whole life revolved around the getting and using drugs. She always had a man take care of her and has very low expectations for herself.

Upon entering treatment, Lulu found herself clean for the first time ever. But though clean, Lulu was still very irresponsible. If some newer resident was in need of help she would just ignore them. She never volunteered to be a Big Sister. She was always late for her job assignments. She never went to bed on time. She would over sleep. She had a hard time completing her chores, and found many excuses as to why she couldn’t work a full day. She thought that once CPS gave her children back, “everything would fall into place in a good way”. From time to time she complained about feeling out of control and still obsessed about wanting to get high. Though she was abstaining from drugs she had not changed anything about herself

After being confronted in an encounter group by her peers that she worked with each day, Lulu realized that she needed to work on being responsible in some very basic ways if she were ever going to really take responsibility for her children and her life. Lulu had to sit down with some of her peers and outline different ways that she could practice being a responsible person. She needed to, as did Homer, think of specific simple behaviors that a responsible person acts upon and write them out in outline form. Her peers asked her to think of any role models she knew in her life that she considered responsible and why. How did they demonstrate responsibility, what characteristics did they have? Lulu had to narrow down her outline to include things she could do that related directly to her current life, just as Homer did. Lulu’s counselor asked her to pick 6 responsible behaviors she could practice each day.

Example: RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIORS- LULU

• Instead of staying up late each night, I will go to bed early at the same time each night.

• Instead of drinking coffee after dinner, I will drink juice.

• I will set my alarm to a time that will allow me one full hour to get ready for my job assignment.

• I will not leave work for any reason each day.

• I will not leave work until all my chores are done for that day

• I will take more responsibility in the community by spending 20 minutes a day with the newest woman in the program to offer her encouragement.

• If I notice something needs to be done I will volunteer for it and bring it to the community's attention.

Lulu began to ”act as if "her way into becoming a responsible person. She Practiced the Form to achieve the Essence of responsibility. She started to change her low expectations of herself as a woman and realized that she was responsible and dependable and able to rely on herself. She looked up one day after several months of “acting as if” and realized she had become the women she had so admired.

The concept is so simple that most people discount it out of hand, or as mentioned earlier, it has been forgotten or bastardized to something else. This concept, acted upon with conscious intent is a good vehicle for anyone interested in changing certain aspects of their behavior or incorporating new behaviors into their overall sense of self. The “acting as if" your way into a new way of behaving is a critical teaching tool for the practitioner in any field to have. It is also a critical tool for the addict in recovery to have in their own “tool box” for personal growth.

The truly amazing thing about this concept is that it is so simple and that it works.

This concept can work in either a positive or negative direction. Wanna-be addict gang members or criminal addicts who are just young kids really start out by “Acting as if” they are tough just like their older gang or neighborhood role models. If their role model is some really bad dude, they start acting that way. Their plan is “if I walk a certain way like this and carry a gun, and talk out of the side of my mouth like this, and I know all the right slang and swear a lot and I scowl at people all the time, people will think I am really tough. Of course most people are saying “Hey, you little squirt, who do you think you are?", but before they know it, after months or years of practice, they are there. The wanna-be kind of person. Before they know it they can’t even get back to where they were. They naturally talk out of the side of their mouth, walk a certain way, and are tough. They naturally scowl and use profanity and slang all the time. Now that is fine if you’re running the streets and doing time in jail. But it is kind of tough when you are living around other people and trying to socialize with a new crowd. Through “acting as if” for so long they become a certain persona, and it takes a conscious effort to get back to (or starting to for the first time) relating to people in a way that they want to because they find themselves trapped in that image. This poor guy tries to go talk to somebody whom they may really like, say in early recovery, and out comes the profanity and slang, every other word is “f*** this and motherf*** that” there are no other words in the vocabulary and the other person thinks “whew, man, let me get out of this situation! This person is really out of their mind!” This person who has “acted as if” a certain negative way for so long they lost the ability to communicate with anybody other than a very narrow segment of the population.

People in recovery need to open themselves up to a lot of other kinds of experience. Remember the “act as if” works both ways, it can work in a very positive direction for the person in recovery or a very negative direction.

The big question is how can you help teach the addict in recovery to fill in the blanks? The “Act as if” is going to work one way or the other. Should they put Responsible or Irresponsible? Unselfish or Selfish? I care about myself or caring what other people think about me? Honest person or dishonest person? Dependable or undependable? The list can go on and on. YOU CHOOSE!

by Mark Schuettinger

Vice President and Acting Director of Circle Tree Ranch